Who am i ?

This is a toughest topic ever i write in my blog. People used to ask "who are you?" at the very first place. Simple as that to reply "i'm steven". However, if the same question goes to me "who am i ?" i might not give you the perfect answer instead of introducing myself. When this question/topic gave to me, i have been hesitate for quite a long time. It is because i couldn't understand myself well. How could people understand me, if even myself couldn't understand myself well. It makes me feels like i'm a walking dead people.

Few days later, i tend to give myself an opportunity. I look at the mirror and ask myself "who am i ", "what am i " and "what i want". The answer show up in my mind. I'm a guy who like freedom. My friend used to say you are not suitable in a relationship yet, because you are guy who like freedom as a bird. A bird locked up in cage, will suffer to death. I agree with his statement, whatever he says about me. He is right. In interpersonal com, there is a theory so called "blind self". What people sees you, you can't see it yourself. Freedom is everything to me but i hope i can control this freedom. Everyone needs a family , so am i . Soon i might be a dad one day or a husband. Freedom is just too short, but what i need now is freedom. So i would rather be single right now instead of going further. Perhaps fate comes, no one knows.

The other things that bothered me recently is "lost". I'm a person who feeling lost right now. I have no idea what i want, neither my dad. My dad used to help me a lot in this. Sometimes he will ask me what i want to learn or what i want for my future. I feel so guilty because i couldn't answer him. Frankly speaking, i wish i could be a singer one day, but i couldn't sing well. If i couldn't sing well, i wish i could take part in a role of a film or series. That's what i want but this is impossible. Just a dream. Is not easy to be an actor or artist. I might have a tough life if i'm going for the field. However, i would like to give a try. I have been learning chinese painting for almost a year. I tend to ask myself is that what i really want? To be a famous artist? I would like to give my very best on that , but at the same times i wish i can learn music. Music is what i want for long. However, my dad don't allow me to learn guitar nor drum. I wish someone can give me some advice what i really want. As if a bird feeling lost