Who am i ?

This is a toughest topic ever i write in my blog. People used to ask "who are you?" at the very first place. Simple as that to reply "i'm steven". However, if the same question goes to me "who am i ?" i might not give you the perfect answer instead of introducing myself. When this question/topic gave to me, i have been hesitate for quite a long time. It is because i couldn't understand myself well. How could people understand me, if even myself couldn't understand myself well. It makes me feels like i'm a walking dead people.

Few days later, i tend to give myself an opportunity. I look at the mirror and ask myself "who am i ", "what am i " and "what i want". The answer show up in my mind. I'm a guy who like freedom. My friend used to say you are not suitable in a relationship yet, because you are guy who like freedom as a bird. A bird locked up in cage, will suffer to death. I agree with his statement, whatever he says about me. He is right. In interpersonal com, there is a theory so called "blind self". What people sees you, you can't see it yourself. Freedom is everything to me but i hope i can control this freedom. Everyone needs a family , so am i . Soon i might be a dad one day or a husband. Freedom is just too short, but what i need now is freedom. So i would rather be single right now instead of going further. Perhaps fate comes, no one knows.

The other things that bothered me recently is "lost". I'm a person who feeling lost right now. I have no idea what i want, neither my dad. My dad used to help me a lot in this. Sometimes he will ask me what i want to learn or what i want for my future. I feel so guilty because i couldn't answer him. Frankly speaking, i wish i could be a singer one day, but i couldn't sing well. If i couldn't sing well, i wish i could take part in a role of a film or series. That's what i want but this is impossible. Just a dream. Is not easy to be an actor or artist. I might have a tough life if i'm going for the field. However, i would like to give a try. I have been learning chinese painting for almost a year. I tend to ask myself is that what i really want? To be a famous artist? I would like to give my very best on that , but at the same times i wish i can learn music. Music is what i want for long. However, my dad don't allow me to learn guitar nor drum. I wish someone can give me some advice what i really want. As if a bird feeling lost

I used to read comic when i was age of 12. However, i stopped reading it because i don't have time to spend on reading comics. Japanese comics were one of the famous comics in the world until today. Their drawing is not just only attracting but the story lines are always the best and creative which suits our current subject creative thinking. One of the best comic i read when i was kid, "Slam Dunk". Everyone know what is slam dunk after all.You must be joking if you don't know what comic is this. Once the famous comic in the world. I have collected the original copy of the whole series (books). I love slam dunk it is because it is something different compare to the others. The main character of the book, he is way to awesome. I wish i could be like him. He is not gifted nor talented. However, what he did is effort. He trained basketball everyday to improve himself to cross his limit. The best part of the whole comics, is the ending part. Fighting against the top 4 japan basketball team. The part which he push himself to the end, just to pass the ball to his teammate and shoot to get the last score to counter. It is way to perfect. This is what we called teamwork. He was injured in the match but it was the best match ever. I learnt many lesson from this comic. No matter how difficult our life is, we do not give up. Sad to heard that one of our student commit suicide is just because of study pressure. Our life is given by our parents. Why don't we appreciate it? This is just the beginning of the challenge in our life. We have to still more to go. Enjoy our life as long we go on.

Last week i went the art gallery show at Mid Valley Megamall. It was huge art exhibition i have ever been to. Even though, i study cooperate communication. The artwork of the local artist inspired me. I have been learning chinese painting for almost a year. It helps me in terms of ideas and concept of drawing nor skills. Artwork and Drawings is the most creative things in the world. Every piece of drawing will form a concept . Such as cars, typographic and more.  There is a drawings that attracted me the most. I have been looking at it for almost 15 minutes, just to seek the meaning of the drawing. As you know every artist have their own reason while they are in the process of completing the drawings . This drawing is showing a broken heart drew in black and white colour. Inside the heart you can see a black shadow of a person sitting lying on the wall. I was trying to catch up the meaning of the whole drawing. At first, my friend told me it was simple drawing , not attractive at all. However, to me it is a great drawing. From the point of view of an artist, he drew broken heart which mean his heart broken as in love. Love is in red colour everyone knows that, but he drew in black and white. It means when the moment he drew this he is explaining that true love no longer exist in this world but only money. White is referring to the poor while the black is referring to the rich. A shadow of a person was drew in the white broken heart. Which mean he is referring to the person is upset because the love ones go for the rich person instead of him. The whole drawing is very meaningful. It explain the reality of the world. People being so realistic leave the poor and go for the rich. Everything is about money. Well this is not the only art drawing i saw but is the most meaningful drawing i have seen in the art gallery show.

Silly :D

Remember the childhood story Beauty and the Beast? i got lot's of things to say. This story really ruin up my childhood life. First thing that doesn't make sense is that why would a bunch of people wanted to send a pretty girl away to a beast. If in real life, people would just give a horrible girl to a beast instead of pretty ones. They would rather marry her. Let it make sense somehow and continue the story, how could a pretty girl fall in love a beast. Come on guys, think in a positive way. If you see a bear in front of you. Will you choose to escape or you would rather stay and fall in love with him. This is ridiculous. Nevertheless, a spoon,  candle, and a god damn clock can talk. Really? for god sake. If these things can talk, my life wouldn't have be so lonely and pathetic . Everyday i have someone to talk to isn't it right? If i'm the writer of the beauty and the beast. I will change the story and make sense in some way. First of all, an ugly engineer girl accidentally trap into a castle. A prince who is lonely and being alone all the time fall in love with this ugly girl because he never get to see a pretty one. She is an engineer so she created a clock, spoon that can talk. So she could spend time with all of them with the prince. So the prince wouldn't get so bored. One fine day, both of them was cursed and turn into pretty and beast. Because they know each other. So they were not afraid. Later on, they found a potion and cure. Live happily ever after. Bullshit right? i know that. But it seems logical, isn't it ? Well the end.

the story we used to read "cinderella"

I was told to write a children story.Frankly speaking,it inspire me.  Some how this things came up to my mind, which is "cinderella" This story was written long time ago . As you know that the plot inside the story which i don't need to repeat again. In reality, it do exist in Spain but in the other way "a poor fisherman married to a billionaire daughter". What a lucky guy. Honestly, if you wanted me to give a comment about cindrella story. All i can say is a stupid story which do not bring fun, fantastic nor interesting. When i was a child, i used to think everything is simple , i can be the role as a prince and meet someone which is pretty. In fact, i am not rich as a prince. I'm just a poor fellow that has no money nor big castle. Even though, on the other way round, i could meet a girl who is rich and fall in love with me. Everyone will look down on me, they will thought i am just a piece of rubbish depending on a girl, so that she can feed me forever. What a freak. Nevertheless, i'm not handsome as the prince. As you know, nowadays all the girls is looking for hot guys. I have heard one of a girl, she told me that "handsome unable to last long cannot but ugly will last long forever"and after that you have to face or look at him everyday. i was stunned for a moment while she told that to me. This is reality and everyone is not being sarcastic , they really mean it . I have give up on girls for being so realistic. However, it doesn't mean i'm going to be a homo. Homo is not my taste nor my forte.
Back to the story, why i said it is not interesting . First of all, it couldn't improve the knowledge of a child nor inspire them somehow. The story was too bored. Everyone wants to become a princess to meet a prince. In fact, we can't. Most of all, we are just ordinary people. So it destroyed a dream of a child for being sarcastic that one day they can become a princess/prince to meet someone exactly the same. Nevertheless, there is no magician or oz that able to fulfill your wish. In reality, we have to work harder to earn money. There is no such thing that the money falling down from the sky or the tree will grow money. So face the reality of the world. This world is cruel and everything is about effort and money.

Stress for weeks, This life is just the same like others. 

Everyone wants to be unique but most of us can't. Even those successful one went on the same path( before or currently

How to define as success?

Most of us's theory - Rich, Richest. Money. A lot lot lots of Money.

Those who really make a lot of sacrificed to the world, we DON'T really care about it.

For example, your dream is - went to Africa and be a volunteer to help them up. But the main point- What's the salary, is this going to your whole life? Are you going to stay there forever? How about your family, your work life ? Are you going to abandon them down and just walk away ?   There is only 1 person can do that in 100 people. It's a good and meaningful job. But when you abandon all these, You just being irresponsibility in other way.


Because in our life, we are not alone, we are not the only person need to be responsibility to our own life. We are participate in each others life. Our family, Our pets, Our lover, Our friends.


Sometimes, when I look around the people, some friends went insane to get money, some friends don't know whats the path they going to get. Some, lost in the path. But, I still meet some normal one, get thing when they should and work hard on it.



However,I am clear where my path is, and When I should get it. I know what is my future and my aim.

But sometimes, I just can't denied that I being confuse of (meaning of life)